Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
