Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
