Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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