I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
