just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
