Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
