He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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