when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
