when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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