She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This house was built for laser tag.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
