i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
