Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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