So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
