we have pet lesbian snakes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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