grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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