make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
