you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
