Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
