I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
