All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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