I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And then he peed in my hair
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
