i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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