I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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