It's Friday. Sex?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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