Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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