Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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