tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
