You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
