just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
