this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
