we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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