I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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