me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
