Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
