Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
only you would photoshop your dick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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