so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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