i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
