woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
