it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
