I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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