I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
