He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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