dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ttyl tear gas
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
false alarm, still single
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
