So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
