The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
