I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
