he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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