party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Even my vagina gasped.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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