He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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