haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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