so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
